100 Chapter Story
by Ranger-Corpses
Summary: None of the chapters are planned nor do they interact with each other unless it is specifically said at the beginning of the chapter. I'm going to make this into a hundred chapter story eventually, and I will just be adding short, hopefully funny chapters whenever I have an idea for a very short fanfic. Rated T because I have no clue what later chapter will consist of.
1. Questions, Questions

**WB: I'm going to be trying something out!**

 **Myself: A one hundred chapter fanfiction.**

 **I: We're actually going to finish it too!**

 **WB: Quick note, I'll probably make it in the following fashions. A.) The chapters will not interact with each other unless I specifically say so. B.) I will only be doing these in my spare time (meaning when I have something that sounds good but I want to make an actual fanfic however won't lengthen). And C.) It will take a very long time to finish because of reason B.**

 **Me: So ya, we're actually doing this.**

 **All: _WE OWN NOTHING! EVERYONE BELONGS TO JOHN FLANAGAN!_**

* * *

"Space space space space space space space space space _dot."_ Will muttered.

"What are you doing?" Halt asked, befuddled.

"There's this thing called a computer but it won't be invented for another century or something like that and so I'm making a hypothesis thing predicting how many spaces it will take to put a dot on the opposite side of the page you started on, like this," Will said, holding up a piece of parchment he'd been writing on. There was a single dot on the left side of the paper and very small number written in the appropriate spacing places. Halt just looked on, still befuddled.

"Whatever," Halt said under his breath. "Make sure you get your chores done."

"Hey, Halt," Will said, his face lighting up with unasked questions. "Why doesn't "sure" have an "h" in it?"

"Because English is stupid." Halt sighed, seeing that Will was on the verge of another question.

"Why is it called English when we're Araluens?"

"Because the original Araluens were stupid!"


	2. Of Growth and Sleep

"Hey Halt?" Gilan started. He grunted in response, reading a report on a robbery. "Did you know that all of your growing is done in your sleep?"

"Why would I know or care about that?" Halt replied sarcastically. Even so, the wheels in his head were turning. Growing in your sleep? He had a distinct memory of never sleeping while in Hibernia...

"Well, it's just that you're a bit short, so I thought that you might want to know that."

"Not everyone is just on their knees begging for height," Halt said, setting down the report, glaring at his apprentice.

"Fine, fine." Gilan waited a few seconds before continuing with, "I just thought you might want to know."

* * *

 _*Halt's POV*_

 ***Flashback***

 _"Go to_ bed!" _Halt's father all but shouted. Halt sighed and rolled his eyes, checking the old grandfather clock in the corner of his room. Only three am! Why, he could be out and about if he didn't have to sleep. However, his father seemed to think it was important._

 _The rebellious side of him won the battle of whether or not to go to sleep or not. However, because his moral side agreed with his rebellious streak, it was more of a quick decision._

 _Ten minutes later, he was out the window and running through some woods._

* * *

 **Ya, so I guess Halt never slept when he was younger so now he's short. And that is an actual fact. About the growing in your sleep. I have no clue why I'm so tall.**


	3. Million Dollar Question

"Halt," Will started. Halt resisted the urge to roll his eyes up into the back of his head.

"What?"

"What would you do with a million dollars?" Will asked.

"What are dollars?" Halt asked, befuddled.

"They're money from the future. It's like our money but harder to earn because the government is corrupt and money-greedy," Will said with crushing truth.

"I see."

"So?" Will asked. Then, seeing the blank look on Halt's face asked, "what would you do with it?"

"I don't know. Buy some good coffee?" Halt said, wondering what else he could possibly need more of.

"I would probably buy that and some apples," Will stated.

"Tug's already fat enough," Halt groaned.

"No, for me. Apples are delicious," Will said as if it were obvious. "But not the bitter ones, or the grainy ones, or the soft ones, or the brick-like ones, or the ones that taste like they've been rotting for five years."

"Well, we can't have that," Halt said sarcastically.

"Oh no we can't."

* * *

 **Question: would it be ok to add in a chapter with the Brotherband characters or would I have to make this a crossover? I'm just adding a short little stupid/silly chapter with a few of the Brotherband characters singing a song that I recently found and find hilarious.**


	4. Looking Cool

"What in the _bloody hell_ is that?" Halt asked incredulously.

"It's to make us look cool," Crowley stated. "You see, when we're running it'd be really cool if our cloaks poofed out behind us like this," here Crowley pushed his cloak out from it's resting position into a position akin to it flying back, "so I added weights to the corners of the cloaks to make them do that."

Will and Halt both stared at him, dumbfounded.

"But what about when you're on a mission and you have to run away?" Will asked, still confused as to how the heck Crowley could come up with something so immensely _stupid._

"You look cool while chickening out," Crowley said.

"But what if you have to sneak away? The weights will fan your cloak out and get you caught and killed," Halt said.

"Haters gonna hate," Crowley muttered under his breath. He then stalked away, his cloak fanning out behind him, making him look cool. That made Will crack up.

* * *

 **I think about this a _lot._ Like, how could this ever work in any situation on-field?! **

**Also, I noticed that a lot of people have these cool little "outro" phrases, such as PFT221b has "best regards" (shoutout to you cause you're a coolio person). I've been thinking about it, so how's "what's that over there?! *Runs away*" Would that be too rude-sounding? Or too immature? Cause I'm immature. Sometimes. And this is getting too long. So bye, hope you enjoyed. XD**

 **~WritersBlock**


	5. Unlucky Clovers

**By the way, Halt is** **about ten here.**

* * *

Halt was crouched on the castle lawn, inspecting it closely. Then, he plucked something from the ground and held it up triumphantly.

Halt's father, having seen Halt do this, walked over curiously.

"What do you have there, Halt?" he asked.

"I've been looking and looking all over," he said, grinning wildly, "and I finally found a four leaf clover!"

At this, the king of Clonmel, for that was who Halt's father was, paled.

"Halt, you know what I said about purposefully finding four leaf clovers, right?" Halt's father asked.

"Ya, ya, I know. Finding one on purpose gives bad luck to the finder," Halt said, downcast.

"Come on, leave it," he said. Halt reluctantly dropped the little plant and took his father's outstretched hand, following him into the castle.

* * *

"And then he made me drop it!" Halt cried! Ferris gawked at Halt.

"But you know what dad said! You shouldn't have been looking in the first place! It's bad luck," Halt's twin said.

"It's just a bunch of silly superstition," Halt said, crossing his arms across his chest. "Nothing bad has happened to me."

"Yet," Ferris added on quietly. Halt glared at him, then went off to his room, still a bit upset that he'd had to leave the special plant behind. It was the first one he had ever found, and had been ecstatic to see his father coming over, to show him the four leaf clover.

Then, because of some stupid, old myth Halt was forced to lose it in the sea of regular colvers!

Caitlin knocked on the wooden door, although it was open a crack.

"Ferris told me what happened," the little girl said quietly. "I don't believe in it, just so you know."

"Thanks, Cat," Halt said, sighing.

"I can't wait to get out of here," he said quietly to her. "We're going to go out and explore the world, and fill in all the blanks on the map."

He said this pointing to the big map on his wall, depicting every country known to the Hibernians.

"And we'll become famous for actually doing something instead of just being royal!" Caitlin said happily.

"And no one can tell us no," Halt murmured.

* * *

"Halt!" Caitlin cried. She rushed to where her older brother lay moaning, having fallen sideways from his chair.

"Get the castle healers, now!" her father bellowed. "I knew that cursed clover was bad luck," he could be heard muttering, having called the healers.

"Halt, don't die," she whispered, "we're still going to explore the world, fill in the map."

Halt merely groaned.

Ferris finally got up, probably getting over the shock of what had just happened, and sat down next to his twin. He finished chewing the food he'd been eating when Halt had been struck ill by, what Caitlin assumed, some bad shrimp, and said, "Halt, you can fight this."

His blue eyes, so commonly wide and guileless, said otherwise however. They were filled with hate that Caitlin, even as young as seven, could clearly see.


	6. Basketball with the Gang

**The gang is all in high school playing basketball. They're all roughly the same age.**

* * *

"Come on," Horace muttered to himself as he watched Will dribbling the basketball, ready to shoot.

Will aimed and shot, the ball soaring through the air. It swooshed through the net, bouncing off the wall. Gilan caught it mid-bounce and immediately dribbling. Halt grinned, wolflike in all manners except physical body, and stole the ball from Gilan and passed it across the court to Horace.

He fumbled with the ball, and jogged a bit closer to the rim, still bouncing the ball up and down. Crowley jumped up in front of him just as he was about to shoot and caught it out of the air just as it left his fingertips.

"Thanks for passing that to me," Crowley laughed as he shot the ball. It bounced off the backboard and, for a few breathless seconds for everyone, rolled around the rim before falling in.

"You're losing your grip, Crowley," Will called. By now Halt had the ball and ducked under Duncan's arms, sprinting away with the basketball.

"Crablegs," Duncan muttered, sprinting after him. Halt suddenly turned and shot, still in midair. It whooshed through the net.

"Good try," he said to Duncan. "You didn't fall, for once."

Duncan winced, remembering the last few times (ok, more than a few times) he'd tried to stop Halt and ended up falling on his bum.

Meanwhile, Gilan had the ball again and was lithely dodging Horace's attempts at stealing the ball from him. Horace cursed at his clumsiness, and saw Will arrive. He stepped back and watched the two engage in a mock battle. With Gilan being the school-clown (rather than class-clown, for he was just that good at pranks) it was actually quite funny.

"Why you little English pig dog! Go and boil your bottom, you son of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, Will, you and all your silly English basketball players!" Gilan said as Will stole the ball from him.

"What?" Will laughed.

"You empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"Oh, you fart in my general direction do you?" Will challenged.

"What the crap?" Duncan said, snickering.

"How you English say, I one more time unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever me with your silly knees-bent running about in dancing behaviours! You cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom biters!" Gilan was now shouting, and Duncan was now on the floor.

" _NI!"_ Will bellowed. " _NI NI NI NI!"_

"You think that your silly sacred words can stop me from taunting you?" Gilan screeched. "I shall empty my toothbrush water on you, you son of a no-good slow taxi driver!"

Crowley, of course, had found help from the wall and was leaning against it, laughing uproariously. Duncan was sprawled out on the floor, gasping for air. Horace had his head in his knees, shoulders shaking in silent laughter. Halt was the only one standing without aid, and was snickering quietly to himself.

" _NI! NININININININI NI!"_ Will was still shouting, over and over again.

"You silly English types, shouting your false sacred words at me! I shall show your mother your diary, and burn your marshmallows!"

"Ekky ekky ekky ekky z'bang zoom boing z'nourrrwringmm!" Will cried.

"Well soil your own pants too!" Gilan shouted.

Will ran away from Gilan with the ball and shot before dissolving into held-back laughter. He crashed to the floor and let out peals of laughter, having stayed pent-up for so long. How he'd managed to be completely serious through that all, he had no clue.

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes. Go and watch it, it's on YouTube and is hilarious!**


	7. Intoxication

Will looked over at Halt. Halt felt his gaze and shifted to a position to which he could comfortably glare skeptically at his apprentice. Will squirms under Halt's intense gaze (he swears that it's like being stabbed in the gut repeatedly with the same arrow over and over).

He turns his head to the left, away from Halt, and studies the trees, scanning for unfriendly eyes- or eyes that could be searching for a good laugh through scaring the two of them. Namely those eyes belonging to Gilan, Halt's former apprentice.

And when the two make it to the Gathering without one apprentice or Gilan trying to surprise them, Halt is a little more than a bit suspicious.

"Halt, Will!" someone calls out. They drop from a tree and land a mere two feet in front of Abelard and Tug.

"Gilan," Halt grunts.

"Gilan!" Will cries in greeting, more enthusiastic about his greeting than his mentor. However, because he's known the grumpy Ranger for as long as he has, he knows that Halt is actually very pleased about seeing the young Ranger standing in front of them. They continue on the last few seconds to the Gathering grounds, changed every couple years or to prevent unexpected attacks on the fifty Rangers.

* * *

Later that night, the trio is sitting on some logs they'd rolled up, talking, laughing (with the exception of Halt in the laughing area, of course), and generally having a great time catching up. It was nearly noon when Gilan brought out a canvas sack.

"Coffee beans from Arrida. Now, I've taken the liberty of grounding them ahead of time, so I guess I'll splurge and allow you guys a cup or two," he explained.

"Or ten," Will muttered, setting a nearby Ranger off laughing. He'd heard the words 'coffee beans from Arrida' and tuned in.

Gilan set about preparing the coffee when an apprentice approached Halt. He talked quietly, nearly whispering. "Sir, I was wondering if you could help me out with my archery, if you don't mind, sir." His voice dropped out completely at the end of his sentence, so he merely mouthed the second 'sir.'

"If I must," Halt groaned, then got up, grabbing his longbow and quiver on the way up.

When they walked out, Will snickered and, once Halt was out of sight and on the archery range, sprinted over to his saddlebags where he'd lain them just outside his canvas tent. He returned with several bottles.

"You got the good stuff?"

"Of course I did."

"Remember, not too much in just one cup or he'll taste it and stop."

"Ya, ya, we went over this all last Gathering."

* * *

Nearly two hours later, judging by the sun's position, Halt came back without the timid boy, saying he'd decided to stay at the range and practice some more. He gratefully accepted the cup of coffee Gilan had given him, dousing it quickly.

"Those Arridans sure know their way around coffee," Will said, sipping his own coffee. Gilan poured Halt some more discreetly pouring in some mystery-substance from Will's bottles, hidden from Halt.

After an hour of talking and coffee, Gilan had gone from just a touch of the substance to more of it than coffee. Halt's words were slurred and his vision shifted. However, he was too drunk to notice.

Gilan snickered and ghosted away, spreading the word across the Corps.

"Rill," Halt said, "Ne'er told 'ou 'bout the 'irds and the bees." He took a long chug of his coffee, which was actually nearly pure vodka.

"Oh, no, I already know about-" Will attempted to stop Halt, and failed miserably as he was cut off.

"You 'ee, it's like thiss." By now, his words were terribly incoherent and so uninterpretable that even George would have trouble figuring out what the legendary Ranger was saying. Will started laughing at he started going into a description of 'the birds and the bees,' as Halt had put it, that was so far off that it was just plain _wrong._

"Da flufffyyyy bunny jumpss up annd downn 'till e'ry tthhhhinng popsss," he said. He was quite intocicated and a fairly large crowd was gathered around them.

Will had fallen off his log and was laughing uproariously.

"Ahhhh how does that make sense in any world?" he gasped.

"What next, Halt?" Crowley cried.

Gilan fell out of a tree (he'd been looking for a good view of the chaos he and Will had created), landing in a lump of limbs and laughter.

"Nooot up tooo yourr ushe-al Giilllannn," Halt slurred.

"What the heck happened during your apprenticeship, Gilan?" Will said, still laughing.

"No, it's not like that!" he shouted, mortified. This just made everyone laugh harder.

"Aw, heck, my sides are starting to cramp!" Crowley shouted.

"Wut, so nnoooww yoouuu have peerrrriodss and noot jussst laadieess?" Halt asked.

Gilan, previously shouting that he hadn't done anything during apprenticeship, or at least not anything like _that,_ was now howling.

* * *

Halt awoke.

"I'M BLIND!" he shouted. He then winced at the pain in his head.

"Told you he'd still be drunk," Will said to Gilan.

""You did not! I said that!" Gilan cried.

"No, I said that he'd still be drunk then you said that the sleep would cause it to wear off or whatever then we made a bet that whoever was wrong would dye their hair and go around Redmont saying that they're a stupid lemar," Will said.

Halt, who had now managed to see through the pain in his head, looked groggily around.

"Lemars are nice," he murmured, going back to sleep.

* * *

 **Tumblr post that prompted this: They're at the gathering and Will spikes Halt's coffee with vodka**

 **Halt gets so drunk he can't see straight and shoots an arrow at like Horace or someone**

" **Yes Horace we can still see you"**

 **And Crowley can't stop laughing because Halt's trying to talk to will about the birds and the bees but Halt can't form coherent sentences**

 **And Gilan falls out of a tree from laughing so hard and Halt goes to make some crass comment**

 **But he still can't talk well so it comes out as**

" **Not up to your usual, Gilan" and since they're talking about sex Will takes that a totally different way**

" **Wait Gilan what happened during your apprenticeship"**

 **-yeslikethestate from Tumblr**

 **All the inspiration came from them and I own literally nothing, not the characters, plot, nothing. Just the wording.**


	8. Mosquitoes and Puns

**Set in the Early Years**

* * *

Halt scowled and swatted at the air around him. Crowley, on Cropper and just a few paces behind his friend, attempted to smother his snickering, failed miserably, and only laughed harder when Halt shot a dark glare at him.

"What's wrong?" Crowley asked, still chuckling. "Hallucinating some nasty demons?"

"Hallucinating? No. Nasty demons? Yes," Halt said.

"You're mad."

"Those demons' names are bugs, particularly mosquitoes."

"Ah, I see," Crowley said.

They lapsed into silence, Crowley thinking about how to find the rest of the Rangers to reform the Ranger's Corps to, in turn, defeat Morgarath, while Halt was swatting at the bugs.

"Hibernia never had this many damn bugs," Halt muttered. He clapped his hands together, effectively smushing one.

" _That's_ why they're _bugging_ you so much," Crowley said.

"Why did I have to stumble upon him, of all people?" Halt asked the sky. Of course it didn't answer.

"What? It's not my fault I'm so _punny,"_ Crowley joked.

"Please stop," Halt groaned.

'But my puns are so _egg-celent!"_

"What, so now we're onto egg jokes?" Halt moaned.

"Am I _egg-rivating_ you with my _egg-citingly_ amazing puns?" Crowley asked innocently.

"Don't make me throw you into a river," Halt warned, a threatening note creeping into his voice.

"But where is this _egg-travagant_ river?" Crowley asked, gesturing around him. Indeed, there were no rushing rivers nor gurgling creeks to be tossed into for being as annoying as Crowley was.

"I'm sure we'll stumble upon one soon enough," Halt grumbled darkly.

" _Egg-actly_ how soon?"

Halt scowled and swatted away a few more mosquitoes.

* * *

 **Ya, puns make me laugh without fail and mosquitoes make me furious without fail.**


End file.
